Please Help Me!

Question:

I have been working for this company almost five years. For four years ago, my CEO never spoke or even looked at me. Last year when he fired my boss then hired a consultant, and he started to talk highly about me how smart I am. My new boss told my supervisor, and my supervisor told me because we are good friends. If I meet him down the hall, he always talks and touches my hand slightly. My supervisor told me that the ceo feels like I hate or intimidate him, my sup. advised me I should open more with the ceo. I try to be nice, if I see him, I start talking with him. One day, I walked in the mail room, I saw the ceo and the other manager were in there, I said hi and talked to them and started to get mails, the ceo mentioned his birthday coming up in a couple day but I did not have a chance to give to him. Anyway, When the other manager left I told him I will be back, just me and my CEO in the mail room, he asked me to give him a hug for his birthday. A couple of of weeks later, when I was in the break room by myself, he walked in and showed me a picture of him when he was younger, holding his baby, with both of them sleeping. When I am around with others, he just ignores me. It’s only when we’re alone that he acts the other way. I shared this information with my supervisor, who is a close friend. He told me not to worry, that my CEO is only trying to make me feel comfortable around him. When I am in the meeting with management, especially with that ceo, I am very nervous, I could not open my mouth and say a thing. Then some days if I don’t see him; I start miss him. Why? I feel very uncomfortable about all of this, especially he is my boss. What should I do?

Signed,

Uncomfortable


Answer:

Dear Uncomfortable:

Our wisest workplace doctor sent her advice on 1/31/07. I concur. Why do you send your query again. That Q&A is posted on http://www.west2k.com/wpdocs/qdetail.asp?id=838 You can shop for other advice, but mine is to get smart and not allow the CEO to engage you in close contact however nice is acts. Reread Tina Rowe’s advice. From what you say, I get the impression that you like his attention and also are uncomfortable about his behavior. If you allow this “friendliness” to escalate, more than likely you will the one that gets hurt and fired. Follow-up question: Is it normal if the boss talking to me or when I am talking to him and looking at my breast, my hair, even my clothes? Sometimes when I see him, he slightly touch my hands. One time I was in the office with someone, he walked in, stood next to me and put his hand behind my back (touched my hair and the bra line). Did he try to be nice, friendly, or make me feel comfortable around him? I am so lost. Please help me! Thanks Answer: You have written to us before, always with this same type of question. We enjoy being able to help, but you do not seem to want help or advice. And, you do not take the action necessary to help yourself. I am not going to answer your question, because you know the answer already. Let me say this instead: You are apparently old enough to have a job. You have said you live in the United States and work for an American company that is large enough to have an HR section and plenty of support for employees. There is no good reason I can see for you to still be wondering and worrying about the issues you have described.

Your lack of appropriate action, and maybe your encouragement, has led to much that you have described in past letters and this one. So, you need to take the action we have already advised you to take.

I don’t mean to be harsh. But there are only so many times you can wring your hands and say you are worried or need help, before it sounds as though you only want to talk about it, but not do anything about it. We live in a world–certainly in a country–where a young woman is not admired for being a helpless, shy, bewildered, victim. You will attain much more by becoming more assertive, confident and capable.

You can have the work life–and life–you need and want. But you are the one who has to make it happen. Find friends and support where you are, and make a personal commitment to take control of your life. Tina Rowe Best wishes

William Gorden