Should I Apologize?

A question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about a big mistake caused by gossip.

I recently gossiped about a coworker and I feel horrible about it. The story may be long but it may help to get where I’m coming from. I’m an inexperienced, shy, young guy and I met a girl who caught my interest at a job I got a few months ago. My first mistake was telling a couple of my coworkers about my interest with this girl. It spread throughout my entire department and everyone made it their mission to get this girl to go out with me. I awkwardly talked to her a few times and I thought I wasn’t going to get anywhere. One day my coworker said I should message her, I did and got nervous. I asked him for advice and he took my phone and asked her out for me. She agreed to my surprise, I wouldn’t have gone out with me at that point, considering that we hardly spoke to each other. We went to a Starbucks she wanted to go to and it was not a proud moment for me. I knew I was boring, I was uncomfortable and I wanted to go home but stayed for an hour until she “had” to leave.

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Co-Workers Say My Boss Has a Crush On Me

Question:
Other employees think my boss has a crush on me. They say he stares at me. A few months ago they said he was following me with his eyes. He is corporate and only there for a short period of time. He is married and I am involved with someone.

Answer:
You have one of those situations where it is better to leave things as they are, rather than trying to find out if your boss is attracted to you—or if he has a crush on you (which is a different thing). If he is an executive or closely aligned with corporate management, he could lose his job or at least lose his reputation, if it was thought he was having a relationship at work. That could lead to the loss of his marriage as well.

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What Can Husband Do When His Wife is Involved With a Supervisor At Their Workplace?

A question to Ask the Workplace Doctors: What recourse does a spouse have
when his or her partner is involved
with a supervisor
in the company for which they both work? 

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Question: My niece works with her husband at a firm (both are employees). She has started an affair with one of the supervisors. What recourse /grievance can my niece’s husband raise with the company?

Response:
It is hurtful on many levels, when a spouse is having an affair—and even more so when the married couple and the third person work for the same company. Apart from the emotions and embarrassment for all involved, it’s bound to have a negative effect on work and the work environment, especially when the relationship is between a supervisor and one who is supervised. Employers are also concerned about accusations of sexual harassment if the subordinate employee later claims coercion. And, nowadays, workplace violence can be the result of such a situation. That’s why employers usually have rules prohibiting such relationships. (Although, such rules don’t seem to have much effect on workplace affairs. People will do what they want to do, in most cases.)

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What Should I Do About My Feelings For My Boss?

A Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about having a crush on a boss:
How can I know if he feels the same way about me? 

Question:

I’ve not worked in a place where my male boss has been so nice to me. He’s a sales person and talks the right way all the time. I know, as I was a gamer before. But then I felt his sincerity when he compliments me. He often compliments me and notices a lot about me. From my eyelashes that he said was nice, he even mentioned that my black eye liner looks better on me than the silver. He says my curled hair looks good. And I caught him gazing at me. When I smile while we talk or when I look him in the eye, he would look away. When we are alone for work, we always have good times. I feel so comfortable around him and in fact I enjoy very much being around him.

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Boss Had an Affair and I Got Suspended. Now What?

A question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about what to do about being suspended
after reporting a boss that was involved in an affair with a coworker. 

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Question:
My boss had been sleeping with a coworker for six months. The coworker thought she was like the boss because she was sleeping with him and began harassing coworkers and demeaning them. It was reported to me by a client that my boss was meeting the coworker at her home. I reported the matter to the company, but even though the client verified the visit, the coworker and boss denied it. Ten weeks later she quit and left town. My boss remains in place but gossip says he has been asked to retire early.

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My Husband Threatens to Send Photos of Me and a Boss to HR

A question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about threats
by an angry husband to send incriminating photos to HR. 

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Question:
I recently started a new position with a company and began an affair with one of the heads of my department. It started as friendly but escalated and we both agreed to ‘back off’ since my husband had filed for divorce and I was going through a difficult time and did not want to bring my partner down in the divorce. The divorce had been started for other reasons but my husband eventually became suspicious and hired a private investigator.

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Employer Employee Texting Day and Night

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about if it is legal for an employer and employee to be texting.

If an employee and employer were texting each other for 2 months day and night, is that a legal issue for the employer?

Signed, Legal Curious

Dear Legal Curious:

Our disclaimer suggests that we don’t answer legal question. Even a legal answer to your question might be “It depends.” An attorney could provide you an answer in light the context of the situation and size of the workplace. For example if the employer was married and his spouse made the affair cause for divorce, that could cost the employer dearly.Why do you ask? What is your position in this situation? How do you know the texting is day and night and is in fact an affair? If you are one of the parties doing the texting, you have a lot to think about should an affair of a superior and a subordinate sour. That could affect the reputation of the company if sexual harassment were charged. If you are an employee who has work dumped on her because of the affair, you resent that. If you are a stockholder or partner in the company, you too have worries because certainly the quality of product and/or surface can suffer resulting from the distraction of an affair of employer and employee. This is not to say all workplace affairs never bloom into meaningful relationships.

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My Boss Has Been Suspended

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about an affair: . He was called into the office on Wednesday and they suspended him till further investigation is made. They never questioned me, and the whole thing is so untrue.

My boss was accused of having a affair with me. He was called into the office on Wednesday and they suspended him till further investigation is made. They never questioned me, and the whole thing is so untrue. I adore my boss, he’s married with children and I feel so bad. We are close at work. He’s like my friend and boss. A lot of people think he treats me better then them. I have never, ever had any kind of sexual contact or anything with my boss. We are just boss and employee. I’m worried for him and they never asked to speak to me before they even suspended him. Someone told me he was suspended for something else and the gossip about him being suspended for having an affair was just a rumor. I’m thinking that it is something else because they never even talked to me yet or called me. What do I do now with my job? Signed,

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My Business Partners Are Having An Affair

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about an affair by business partners: What should we do?

My husband and I are business partners with two other people. One, is a recently married man, I’ll call MM, and the other a single woman I’ll call SW. We’ve had trouble with SW’s job performance and have been doing what we can to help her improve, which is a lot. Her performance is so poor that we would have gotten rid of her had we not liked her so much. Several weeks ago it became apparent that SW & MM were having an affair. We didn’t say anything at first, but I did confront MM with it and he refused to speak at all. He just smiled.

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Workplace Affair Over

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about an affair with a VP: Two weeks later, I was traveling again and he and I went to dinner, and ended up sleeping together again after wine was involved. After that we exchanged texts and phone calls, but stopped the affair.

On a business trip, both a Vice President and I had been drinking, and we ended up sleeping together. I am married and my husband is also an employee of the company. Two weeks later, we were at a trade show and we were both having a good time, but then I ended up drinking too much and the next day, he came to me and said that “as a VP” he had to reprimand my behavior, although we were not on work time and there were no customers. The very next evening, I did not drink and he proceeded to drink with customers and a colleague and I ended up taking him to his room.

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