Co-Workers Say My Boss Has a Crush On Me

Question:
Other employees think my boss has a crush on me. They say he stares at me. A few months ago they said he was following me with his eyes. He is corporate and only there for a short period of time. He is married and I am involved with someone.

Answer:
You have one of those situations where it is better to leave things as they are, rather than trying to find out if your boss is attracted to you—or if he has a crush on you (which is a different thing). If he is an executive or closely aligned with corporate management, he could lose his job or at least lose his reputation, if it was thought he was having a relationship at work. That could lead to the loss of his marriage as well.

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How Can I Find Out If My Manager Is Attracted To Me?

A question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about flirty talk between a manager and a much younger employee.  How can the employee find out if the manager is really interested?

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Question: I’ve only worked with my manager for a little over a year, but the past couple of months he’s been really flirty with me. (I work in a restaurant.) Let me start off by saying its not bothersome to me whatsoever I just kind of want to get an outside opinion to see if it’s just me or if there really is something weird. First off, he is flirty in general with a good amount of people we work with, however sometimes I think he is more flirtatious with me than anyone else.

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How Can I Stop Romantic Feelings For My Boss?

A Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about how to deal with romantic feelings toward a boss who says all the right things to encourage a relationship.

Question:

My boss is very nice to me, unlike to other staff. He has a bad attitude, is hot-headed and is very tetchy to others. He is married but separated and currently has a girlfriend. He is 6 years older than me.

In my first month as his EA he invited me to eat out with him, which I didn’t think I could refuse. I found him very attractive from that day on and day by day my attraction to him has become deeper. One night we went out and had some drinks. I’m not into alcohol, so I became weak and drunk and things became blurred to me. When I came back to my senses, he told everything that happened. I did things I shouldn’t have done, but he didn’t take advantage at me. I felt very weak but I remember him asking me to sleep while he cleaned me with a towel. We decided to keep it to ourselves but after that night we become more closer. We chat till midnight and talk a lot about work, life and even personal stuff. He always says that he doesn’t want me to go and that is why he allowed me to enter his life, like he sold his soul to me, which I really don’t understand.

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I Am In Love With My Boss But He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way. Should I Quit or Stay?

A Question for the Workplace Doctors: Should I quit my job
or should I stay and hope for a closer relationship with my boss?

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Question:
I have been working in my business for more than 3 years now. I started as a part time worker and now my boss is willing to give me a certain percentage of the company shares, due to my hard work. We both have a good relationship at work, despite having a few arguments and disagreements about work. In fact, his mother and I get along well and she is my main support whenever we have issues at work, since she is also a part of the company.

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How Can I Get Over Caring About My Boss, If He Wants to End Our Affair?

A question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about
dealing with the emotions of an affair:
How can I stop caring so much? 

Question: 
I have been working at my job for about two years and some way, somehow I ended up having sex with my boss. He and I are married. We have been like this for over a year and I have tried to stop, but my feelings always have me going back to what we had. Neither of us have intentions of leaving our significant other for one another.

Lately my boss has been very distant and I give him his space. I think he knows it’s time to stop. Unfortunately I got attached to him. I don’t know what to do so I can just stop having feelings for him. 

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What should I do?

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about sexual attraction to superior:

I would like a confidential reply to this, please. Two years ago, I wrote to you, stating that I had more than professional feelings for my supervisor, which I do not wish to have. You suggested that I involve myself in other activities and to find someone. Well, I do have someone else now and I like him, but, not in the way that I would like because of my lingering feelings for my supervisor, which I do not wish to have (in fact, I try to avoid my supervisor whenever I can, which I know is not right). Should I tell the person that I am with about my feelings for my supervisor?

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Heart Broke

Question:

I’ve been in love with a man since childhood. My facebook links is linked to my email. There were pictures the first thing this morning of him with another female. This really hurts my heart!

Signed,

Hurt

Answer:

Dear Hurt:

We’re not a personal relationship site, but I can give you some thoughts that would apply to almost any relationship, work or otherwise. The trouble is that while you’re hurting your mind won’t be able to focus on anything but the pain. Maybe though, you can come back to the advice when things have calmed down a bit.

First, the fact that someone has their photo taken with someone doesn’t mean much nowadays. Facebook is full of photos of people kissing, hugging and looking like great friends or lovers and you find out it was just a fun way to pose or whatever. So, no matter how the photo looked, it doesn’t mean he is lost to you forever or that he is feeling love toward the woman in the photo.

Also, even if he is involved with her now, relationships often don’t last. A week from now it could be over, if it ever really got started.

The third thing that sometimes helps to remember is that when someone said to him, “Hey you guys, let me get your picture” he wasn’t thinking of it being a message to you or that you’d have any reaction to it. It was just a photo to show he’s having fun and here is who he’s having fun with. Maybe the last thing in the world he’d want to do is make you feel badly and he’d say, “It was just a picture, there’s no point in getting all upset over it!” He’s probably had his picture taken with other women, you just didn’t know about it at the time–just as you’ve been at parties or clubs and there were guys around and photos may have been taken.

All of that is to say that there could be much less to it that you think. Sometimes when you think you’ve investigated and have figured out what’s going on, you find out you were very wrong.

A more sad thought…but a realistic one, is this: Let’s say that this person, who you’ve loved for years, isn’t involved with the person in the photo. That still doesn’t mean he is involved with you, except as a friend.

I guess the toughest thing any of us have to face is the reality that someone doesn’t love us as much as we love them or in the same way we love them. For most of us there is the thought, “How could he NOT love me, when I love him so much and I could make him happy?”

There are many times when, with a willing and loving woman right in front of him, a man will do just what women do in similar situations–they become attracted to someone else, usually someone new to them who fascinates them. (There have probably been boys and men in your life who have wondered why YOU didn’t love THEM in just such a situation.)

What really is bad is that you can hang around for weeks or months waiting for them to break up and when they do, the guy you’ve waited for gets involved with someone else again, so things aren’t any better than before!

It seems the only thing that stops the heartache is for the heartbroken person to get attracted to someone else. When that happens, suddenly the long-time love starts fading into memory. Self-esteem is restored, confidence is rebuilt and often that person can even shake her head at how she could have been attracted to someone who she now realizes is so messed up! Or, she can say she will always love him but she’s IN love with someone else.

But, when the hurt is happening it doesn’t help to know that one day it will go away. I also hate it when people give advice like, “Show him what he’s missing”. Often it’s just a matter of the other person not thinking of the one who loves him, as anything but a sister, friend, pal, or whatever. Even if there was once a romantic relationship, once it’s over the person becomes just another friend. In fact, there is nothing that takes away the male-female awareness like having once been VERY aware of it, but it went away.

The one thing a person has to watch is to not let their personal life interfere with work, which I’m sure you are aware of and won’t do. Work is the foundation. I often say, no matter how messed up everything else is, we need to keep work stable.

For right now, put your focus on your work, your appearance, your health, your entertaining, or anything else that not only takes your mind off things but that can be a positive influence in your life anyway. If you’re really feeling saintly you can use now as a time to reach out to others who may also be hurting.

Until you know the full story, hold on. If the full story is what you thought or worse, well, at least you’ve had time to gain some strength to deal with it.

Avoid obsessively talking about it, since that is just upsetting–and it always wears on your friends after awhile. Of course, you’ll probably share a bit of your feelings. Just monitor yourself so that’s not all you talk about.

Let the world turn around for a few more days and get ready to deal with it then, unless you are forced to before then. When you write to him or see him or hear from him, you will be much more able to communicate without questions that might make him irritated and resentful.

I wish there was a magical way to deal with this so it would work out right for you. But, that may happen anyway! Good luck to you right now and in the future–and best wishes.

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Do I Have a Civil Case Because Of Boss’s Affair?

Question:

My boss had an affair with a young engineer who reported to me. They were both married. The young engineer has since been let go by HR as the affair become public. However, for two years I was under tremedous stress as the young engineer would not do the work or come to work on time. I lived through this hell. Do I have a case against boss or the company?

Signed,

Stressed

Answer:

Dear Stressed:

You should contact an attorney to find out about the potential for a civil case against your company. We aren’t lawyers and don’t have enough knowledge of the situation to provide effective advice about it.

You will need to show proof of harm (emotionally, mentally or financially) to you and you will likely need to show that the company knew or should have known you were being harmed and did nothing about the problem. The fact that the company rememdied the situation when they found out about it would be something in their favor. If, on the other hand, you can show that you tried to get help all along but were ignored, that might be evidence for you.

An attorney could help you sort through the situation and decide if you have a case of some kind and if that is a path you want to take.

Best wishes.

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