Being Pushed Out Because of Talk of Resigning

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about possible resignation:

I spoke to my employer of over 8 years about a possibility that I may resign. We had many “nice” conversations about it where she was understanding. I may be leaving because I want to take an extended vacation that she will not approve. My employer and I came to a verbal understanding, that as soon as I have made my final decision I will give her three weeks notice.

Over the past few days she has isolated me from regular staff meetings and important software training (that would be essential for me to know if I stay). I don’t know how to talk to my employer about this. I feel like she’s pushing me out before I have even made my decision to stay or resign.

Signed, Excluded

Dear Excluded:

If you were able to talk so openly to your employer about the potential for you to resign because she wouldn’t approve an extended vacation, you certainly should talk to her about what has happened in the last month. If you don’t talk to her, and soon, she may feel even more certain that you intend to leave. She may be acting out of resentment. She may feel that your actions since the conversation have indicated that you are not as dedicated to the work as before. Or, she may feel there is no reason to go to the effort of getting you trained at the company expense if you might leave anyway. She may be tired of waiting for you to make up your mind and decided to push the point a bit.

The reality is that once you mentioned resigning she probably got ready, mentally, to replace you. If you intend to stay, let her know. If you still aren’t sure, at least you should talk to her about her expectations of you.As soon as possible, talk to her directly. “Paula, I noticed I haven’t been included in several meetings that I would usually be part of and I didn’t get the training on the new software either. I wondered if you were thinking it’s a sure thing I’m leaving. I haven’t decided that yet but I thought I had some time to figure it out. Did you have a timeline in mind for me to notify you?”(Your statement would be worded in a way that would fit your situation.)

In addition to talking to her soon, it sounds as though you had better make your decision. You certainly don’t want to decide to stay, only to find that you have lost your standing with your employer, which will make the work situation unpleasant. Best wishes to you about this, whatever you decide to do. The ideal situation is that you leave with things being so positive that you could return if you wanted to, even after your extended time away.

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina had a thirty-three year career in law enforcement, serving with the Denver Police Department from 1969-1994 and was the Presidential United States Marshal for Colorado from 1994-2002. She provides training to law enforcement organizations and private sector groups and does conference presentations related to leadership, workplace communications and customized topics. Her style is inspirational with humor.