Boss Hates Me

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about feeling disliked by a boss: My life is hell in here. She picks on me.

Today my boss told me she has heard I’m bitching about another member of staff. She said it has happened both outside and inside of work. She has no proof but someone I work with has told her. I think it’s her friend who she is close to. She says it is bullying and hates me anyway. Even if it is true and outside of work can they use it against me with no proof? My life is hell in here. She picks on me. Can I push her to find out who told her? This is damaging for me in my workplace.

Signed, Hell Here

Dear Hell Here:

You can push, but she can push back. Should she write you up for badmouthing a staff member, you can submit a defense of yourself. But if indeed you have bitched about a coworker, you can remain silent, lie out of it or admit it and explain what prompted it. I suspect that you did some “bitching” and that were overheard. Rather than to argue there is no proof, if you have talked unkindly, it is best to stay mum and to refocus on being an employee who is responsible and respectful. Should that be true that you “bitched” and your boss writes up, I recommend that you admit it, apologize and pledge not to do so in the future.You say your boss picks on you. In what ways and why? You say, “My life is hell in here.” You have provided no instances that she picks on you. However, proof is not what is important here.

The important fact at this time rather is dealing with the causes for your feeling that your life is hell at work. That is what you must find a way to change assuming that you need your job and knowing that jobs don’t grow on trees. Therefore, how might you get the hell out of there without quitting? Here are several ways you might answer that question:

· Face a mirror and reflect on how you look to your boss and coworkers. Are you the kind of individual who mistreats others by deed or word? Do you do your share and volunteer to help coworkers when they are overloaded? Do you cheer others on, thank them, and do your fair share? Are you sour or a happy person?

· Do you have an anger management problem? If so, is it not time for straight talk; time to talk about how you and your coworkers talk to and about each other? Coworkers and their bosses rarely talk about how they talk to each other. One of the most helpful things for them to do is to take time out to be specific about how the do and don’t want to be talked to as well as be talked about.

· Confront what you see as wrong. Confront coworkers who make you job more difficult. How do you react when you think your coworker or boss is wrong? Do you have the courage to say, “Back off” or “Let’s talk this through?” · Get over this notion that your boss hates you. Pretend that she sees your good side. Establish a regular time to meet with your boss. At least once a week to talk about how you are doing and what you can do to make her job easier. · Get specific and use your skull to dream up ways to change what can be changed and accept what can’t. If things are really hell, quietly job hunt and then quit once you have one in hand. Clarify who is to do what and is to ok what is done. · Focus on getting the job done and done well. Have you talked with your boss about cutting wasted supplies, time, energy and money? Have you proposed ways of doing anything more efficiently and effectively?

Do any of these suggestions make sense? If not, feel free to look elsewhere. Talk to those you respect in your workplace. Ask them what you might do to feel better about coming to work. Don’t become obsessed over this particular incident. Work is hard enough even when we like our jobs; so don’t just sweat it out. Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS. Might you find a way to join with at least one or more coworkers to make each other’s working life a little less hell?

William Gorden