Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about not being hired:

About 2-1/2 months ago, I had a conversation with my former boss (she is in another department at the same company) regarding a management position that had opened up in her department. The position didn’t report to her, but she did encourage me to apply and told me that though the reporting manager (who is her peer) did seem to have someone in mind for the position, his or her boss (who runs their entire department) stated that the decision was not going to be made by the reporting manager alone. My former boss went on to tell me that he talked to her boss about me and he wanted to meet me.

I applied for the job and followed up with her to say that I had applied and was available to meet her boss whenever he was available. The meeting never happened, and about a month ago I asked her if she knew what was going on with the position, and she stated that the reporting manager was planning on interviewing me. So I decided to sit tight and wait for the call to schedule the interview. The only call I received was from our HR department informing me that someone else had been hired for the position. I only said, “Thank you for letting me know” and kept it at that. I was never granted an interview. I feel like I was led on; I didn’t think that I was a shoo-in to land the position, especially since the reporting manager had someone else in mind. But I don’t think my former boss should have encouraged me the way she did and even go so far as to say that I would be interviewed.

I know in hindsight that I should have received my information directly from the reporting manager instead of my former boss. However, I feel that my former boss should have also handled this differently and either told me the truth or suggested that I talk directly to the reporting manager. She had also mentioned that other management positions would open in her department, but now I am very hesitant to show any interest in any future opportunities in that department since now I feel very foolish and humiliated after the outcome of the current opportunity. Should I ask her what happened, or should I just let it go. I truly want to just let it go and pursue opportunities in other departments if and when they arise. I don’t think I should pursue any other opportunities that may come up in my former boss’s department, but that may be the bitterness talking at this time.

Signed, Feeling Dumped

DearĀ Feeling Dumped:

You were not dumped. You simply were not hired. From here, although I have not walked in your shoes, it seems to me that you are feeling angry and are allowing this disappointment to sour chances for future possibilities within that company. Rather than focus on what didn’t happen, start talking to yourself about what prompted your former boss to suggest there was a possibility of you applying and being hired. She must have had positive impression of you. The fact that the interview didn’t happen probably was not her or your fault. Put all that behind you. Don’t allow this to replay and replay and replay in your mind.

If you do elect to speak to your former boss again, talk about the future not this “did not happen” incident. If she wants to talk about that, let her bring it up.You have reflected on what you might have done differently. That’s good. You have learned another approach. There is more than one path to finding a new position within and outside. Does this make sense?

Family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances don’t want to hear dumped talk. It does not promote the positive YOU. Groom yourself as if you are what you want to be seen as. Walk with head up and a smile and twinkle in your eyes. Greet those you meet with a positive mental attitude. Be a cheerleader. Even pretending to be when you don’t feel like it can change feeling dumped. Try it you might like it. You and I can’t help but think of ourselves. That’s good and that’s ego, but working with others is WEGO–is independent mindedness. That’s more sermon that you might want to hear. My best to you today and tomorrow.

William Gorden