False Accusations

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about involvement in a relationship on the job:

I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, we work together. At that time  was dating someone else and he cheated on me. I am now dating the person I work with, he was married at the time, and because there was no hope for me that he was going to leave his wife, I started making friends chatting to other guys because I was so confused and i didn’t want to be with a married man all my life. So he found out about it and was very upset, said that I am lying to him and that should have just been honest with him. There were a few times that  lied about stupid things, but never went out and met other people. I was really afraid because he was still married and used to go home to his wife every night. I felt like that was reason enough for me to be afraid of never having a future.

Eventually I gave him an ultimatum and he choose me. Ever since i have never communicated with another guy there after. 7 months later and the accusations never stopped. It got so bad that we end up treating each other very badly. He has lied to me recently on so many occasions and I feel that its not fair since I have dedicated my life to a man who is going through a divorce and I am totally faithful, so therefore I feel like the accusations need to stop. I really don’t know what to do. Please help

Signed, Faithful Not False

Dear Faithful Not False:

We’re not a personal relationship site, but I think you can also use some advice about work–so I’ll respond about both issues.

Remember that your job pays the bills. So, don’t do anything that could jeopardize your work or your reputation at work. A situation like you describe is bound to be taking your focus away from your job if you’re not careful. That’s especially true if you have to interact with your boyfriend at work.Take responsibility for making sure no one there has to be distracted by your relationship, whether it’s going well or going poorly. If that happens, it’s a sure way for both of you to be fired. At the very least you will start being seen as a problem employee, and you don’t want that to happen.

As far as the relationship issue goes, I hope you will find someone you respect away from work who can better understand the totality of the situation and provide you with some effective guidance.You know the truth, I’m sure. But sometimes it helps to have an outsider tell you. The bottom line is that this probably isn’t a happily-ever-after relationship. If it was, you’d be gazing in each others eyes right now and feeling thrilled to finally have Fate allow you to be together.

You’d be sorry he cheated on his wife and he’d be sorry you had to feel like a cheat too, but you’d be thinking that at least you now are with the person that makes you complete and happy. Instead, it’s this back and forth misery and argue then kiss and make up, then argue again. He doesn’t trust you and probably never will. You feel that he doesn’t appreciate what you’ve sacrificed for him and you resent what he’s putting you through. Those feelings aren’t going to go away. That’s not a good way to live life at at time when you could be having fun together and really enjoying your time away from work. I hope you’ll find someone you can trust and respect who will talk with you about this. Human nature being what it is, I doubt that you’ll want to listen to advice! But, at least you’ll have received it and can make a decision about how you want to live your life. Best wishes to you through all of this!

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina had a thirty-three year career in law enforcement, serving with the Denver Police Department from 1969-1994 and was the Presidential United States Marshal for Colorado from 1994-2002. She provides training to law enforcement organizations and private sector groups and does conference presentations related to leadership, workplace communications and customized topics. Her style is inspirational with humor.