Fed up

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about insults of coworkers:

Am I wrong to not want to get too involved with people at work? So I’m not the most talkative.. I get my work done and I apparently do it well. I communicate well with people re work.. what more do they want? People can make comments about me..”Ugly Mutt” “Minger” when they are somehow connected to my computer from the IT Lounge. I don’t say anything back..If they were remotely connect to someone else’s computer would these comments be made??? NO, because they are liked. I don’t talk about or bitch about people behind their backs I keep my self to myself. I am always in the wrong. I used to sit next to someone I hated the hell out of; now she has moved buildings. She would “tut huhhh” her way through in the toilets which is just one example. I thought things had improved as we all got moved around. But I don;t think it has, now. I get the impression that they are writing up everything and discussing with HR regarding my “Mood”. Is there a way of finding out?

Signed, Don’t Like Me

Dear┬áDon’t Like Me:

You are an unhappy camper. Should you seek work elsewhere and start anew or can you look in the mirror and decide if you can start anew where you are? There seems to be a hint that you can because you have taken the time to spill out your feelings and ask for help. You feel you are being written up and wonder if there is a way to learn if that is true. I think there is. You can request a meeting with your supervisor to learn how she/he assesses your performance. You can ask, “Jan, I’ve been feeling that I’m not liked, is there something that I have done wrong or not done that bothers you and others?” or you can be less direct, “Jan, how am I doing? Do you have any advice about what I might do to improve my performance?

Have you ideas about how to make your workplace more productive and/or employee-friendly? Think about ways to cut wasted supplies, wasted time, wasted duplication, wasted money. Come to work groomed as if you were going for a job interview, not over dressed but clean and professional. I mention this because you say you were called “ugly mutt”. Such talk is out of place and should have been reported, or at the time you should have replied, “Surely you are joking, or I want you to tell my boss that in my presence.” Also you mention other incidents and that you wonder if others don’t like your mood. You say you are always in the wrong. So the problem is real to you and you can either bite your tongue or be an investigator of why–and a problem solver.

This adds up to you writing as a victim, feeling unappreciated and depreciated. That’s not the way to spend day after day. It’s past time for a candid head-to-head with your boss. Can she/he advise you on where you stand? Do you have employee counselors? Might you get advice from a trusted friend, priest or preacher, or community agency? Do any of these thoughts make sense? Working together with hands, head, and heart takes and makes big WEGOS. You are at a point in which you want and need to feel apart of something and some place that welcomes you. From a distance I can’t provide a quick fix, but I predict you can make a difference rather than talk to yourself about how bad it is. What will you do?

William Gorden