I Have A Crush On My Flirtatious Boss

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about a flirting boss and a subordinate to likes it while both are married; I am upset that he is flirting yet not doing anything about it.

I recently started to have feelings for my boss. It all started when I noticed that he looked for excuses to touch me ( fixing my clothes, removing something ..etc), he is also in my personal space when we have meetings and bumps legs when we are sitting next to each other. I tried to tell myself that he is just being friendly as we are both married and he recently invited me and other peers for dinner at his house. However, recently I claimed to have back pains and he said he would have offered me a massage if he was not sore himself, I felt this was inappropriate but realized that I am falling for him. I am upset that he is flirting yet not doing anything about it, I never gave him a clue of how I felt but I was always receptive. I need to get out of this situation as I can’t stop thinking about it, why do men flirt when there is no intention of pursing of the woman?

Signed, Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:

Men and women make sexual remarks, touch, tease and flirt for many reasons, most not related to wanting to actually have sex with the other person. Your boss might be very embarrassed to find out you took his flirtations seriously or thought they meant he wanted to do more than talk and act in a teasingly risque manner. Also, your boss probably realizes that if he were to pursue you and it was discovered, he would probably lose his job and family and you might too. That’s a hefty price to pay for pursuing this, and I don’t think you would want that to happen.

You say you have thought that your boss’s remarks and actions were inappropriate for the circumstances. Focus on that truth and put some distance between the two of you at meetings and other times. Don’t do the flirty smile or the shared eye contact and remind yourself of what you and he might lose if either of you were to act on your impulses. Many people are able to have flirtatious relationships without any intention of carrying it farther than that. Your boss may be one of those people. If you aren’t, you’ll need to work very hard to avoid an awkward, embarrassing and potentially very bad confrontation. Best wishes to you. Let good judgment prevail!

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina had a thirty-three year career in law enforcement, serving with the Denver Police Department from 1969-1994 and was the Presidential United States Marshal for Colorado from 1994-2002. She provides training to law enforcement organizations and private sector groups and does conference presentations related to leadership, workplace communications and customized topics. Her style is inspirational with humor.