My Mother Blames Me For Everything

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about unhappy home life:

I want peace and harmony at home. But I don’t have. How to get rid of family problems. Should I leave home with wife & only son?

Signed, I Just Want Peace

DearĀ I Just Want Peace:

We provide advice about workplace problems and your situation seems like a very difficult problem related to your home life.I’ll share a few thoughts that might be useful, but I urge you to find a trusted adviser closer to your home to talk to about this, because there are many things to consider. For example, if you are the only financial support for your mother, you would not want to leave her completely alone. Or, if your wife and son would have no place to live unless you share a home, you may have to stay. But, if your mother and you could both live in separate homes, maybe you should at least talk to your mother about that. She is probably as unhappy as you are. I’m sure neither of you want your son to grow up in such an unhappy home.So, talk to other relatives or find someone in your worship group or even a trusted neighbor or friend, and ask for their thoughts about it.

Then, look at the amount of money you and your mother have and decide if it is possible for you to live apart.If you can’t move, you can try these three things to see if you can improve things:1. Make sure you are living your life in a way that is reasonable for someone who is responsible for a family. (No wasted money, help with home chores, find good work, etc.) She might still blame you for things, but at least you would know for sure you have done the best you can.

2. When your mother starts to complain, don’t argue with her. That just makes her need to prove her point. Instead say something like, “Mother, I love you but I don’t want us to talk like this.” Then, stop talking to her until she stops complaining.Some people have been unpleasant to get along with all their lives, but some people have only become unpleasant as they got older. If your mother used to be much nicer, maybe you can remind of a time when she was more pleasant to be with. If she has always been unpleasant, she might not ever get any better!

3. Set an example to your entire family about the way a loving person communicates. Treat your wife with respect even when you disagree with her. Don’t blame her, your son, or your mother for things they are not responsible for. Show through your actions how a caring person treats others. Life is difficult even at best. But when your family life is not peaceful it makes everything worse. I hope you are able to get some suggestions there from someone who can know the whole situation best.Best wishes to you!

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina had a thirty-three year career in law enforcement, serving with the Denver Police Department from 1969-1994 and was the Presidential United States Marshal for Colorado from 1994-2002. She provides training to law enforcement organizations and private sector groups and does conference presentations related to leadership, workplace communications and customized topics. Her style is inspirational with humor.