I’m Attracted to My Boss and Getting Mixed Messages From Him.

Question:
I have an attraction to my boss. I can’t explain how it transpired but it did. And I get mixed signals from him. Like, at our annual staff party he told me, as he knew I was on a weight loss journey, that I’m such a beautiful woman and that when I’ve reached my goal he will introduce me to some people. He calls and sends me texts late at night. I’m just lost. Please help.

Response:
If you look at our archives you will find situations similar to yours. You’ll also see that we are consistent in saying it’s understandable that a coworkers at all levels in an organization might find a boss attractive and develop a crush (even to the point of obsession.) We also consistently say that such relationships nearly always lead to unhappiness for one or both.

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I Think I Love My Boss!

Question to Ask the Workplace Doctors about  falling in love with the boss:

I am unhappily married and have fallen in love with my boss who I think is single. I’m not sure how he feels but I know there is some attraction there.

Signed, Got A Crush

Dear Got A Crush:

We’re a workplace communication site rather than a love advice site, but I can give you a bit of advice that will help you with your job as well as your personal life: No good; and probably a lot of harm; will come from you telling your boss that you are in love with him, at least at this point.What you have really is a crush.

You don’t even know him well enough to know if he’s single or not. You only know that he has noticed you a bit and maybe has flirted a bit. That doesn’t mean he wants to jeopardize his job by getting involved with you. And I’m sure you wouldn’t want to harm his job or yours.

Deal with your unhappy marriage first, either through divorce, counseling or a trial separation. Don’t use your boss as a shoulder to lean on, handle it on your own. Then, when that is done; and you can bet your boss will know about it; maybe things will be different for both of you and you two can try getting together. But, if you try to force the issue too soon, you and he both will suffer for it.A secret crush or an unrequited love affair is tough at any age. But, the one stable thing you have is your job, so don’t jeopardize it for something that may not last anyway. Best wishes to you.

Tina Lewis Rowe read more