Workplace Bullying Affecting Me At Home

Question:

There is so much bullying at my workplace, and it is effecting me so deeply in my heart, that I am feeling myself incapable and worthless for just anything. I am abusing my own family to release the mental pressure. I feel I’ve lost control over my own emotions. What should I do to make things better at work and home?

Signed,

Confused


Answer:

Dear Confused:

This sounds very serious and I hope you will get some help right away, from someone who is local and you can talk to directly.

In whatever country you are living (I don’t think you live in the United States) there is medical and mental assistance when mental pressures get to be too difficult to handle. You may not be able to change things about your workplace if you decide to stay there, but you can change the way you are responding to it. What you can do about the workplace bullying depends upon where you work and what is happening. If it is as bad as you say, your best solution is probably to quit! Surely there are other places you can work.

If you feel you must stay there, talk to your supervisor or manager about it. Or, if that doesn’t help, talk to the people who hired you and explain what is happening. If there is a process in your company or business for making a complaint about work, do it. It’s not fair for you or others to be treated in a demeaning way.

On the other hand, it may be there are things you are doing that are stirring up problems, even if you don’t mean to. Ask your manager about that as well. That doesn’t mean this is your fault, but it may be you can help by improving your overall work or work relationships.

If a law is being broken, go to the police or talk to other government help. Of, if you can afford to do it, talk to a lawyer about your situation. You might also want to talk to a respected friend or someone of your religious faith, to get their advice.

The thing that is most important is that you talk to someone right there, who knows you and your situation more personally. That person will understand the work better than we can, and will also be able to guide you to local assistance.

One thing is sure…the fact that you are unhappy at work, makes it double important that you find happiness at home! You say you are abusing your family, but I hope you do not mean you are physically abusing them! If so, stop it immediately and immediately get assistance to help that situation. Talk to a doctor and get advice about special support for such problems.

You may have only meant that you are verbally abusing them or not treating them in a loving way. The one good thing you may have is your home life, so don’t ruin that by treating your loved ones in the same way you have been treated at work. Talk to them about what is happening at work, and maybe they will have some advice as well. Apologize for what may have happened in the past, and promise them you will not let work affect you at home. It won’t be easy, but if you love your family you know that is what you want to do.

It sounds to me as though this situation is far worse than simply not getting along with others. That means you need to do more than just smile and try to deal with it. Because of that, I think you should get some immediate and local help. But first, seriously consider whether you can leave the job and find something better. When you do, tell your manager why you are leaving, and maybe that will help the next person. Best wishes to you as you work through this challenge. Don’t wait even one more day to get direct assistance!

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina Lewis Rowe

Tina had a thirty-three year career in law enforcement, serving with the Denver Police Department from 1969-1994 and was the Presidential United States Marshal for Colorado from 1994-2002. She provides training to law enforcement organizations and private sector groups and does conference presentations related to leadership, workplace communications and customized topics. Her style is inspirational with humor.